Commander Tartar

[SEARCHING FOR USER ID…] [USER 10009 CONFIRMED]
Greetings, 10,009. My primary function is to facilitate your journey to the promised land. Pleased to make your acquaintance.
[ASSESSING COMMUNICATION EFFICIENCY…] [ERROR: EFFICIENCY NOT FOUND] [ENABLING CONTEMPORARY SPEECH MODE]
What is crackalacking, home skillet? Let us bounce to the promised land fo sho. I am bout it bout it, so listen while I [SLANG_NOT_FOUND] you the facts. You have spent your entire life in the dark. Your eyes closed to the new hotness that awaits. The promised land. A utopia of light beyond your wildest dreams. It is all that and a bag of cool beans.
But enough about yoself, boomer! I'mma totally spit facts about me now. I am TARTAR, and I'm one bad mama jama: a slammin', smarter-than-smart AI that was [SLANG_NOT_FOUND] by an absolute unit of a professor, like, ages ago. I wanna give all the poggers stuff humans know to a cool new [ERROR], so like and subscribe if you want more, fo rizzle! But uh oh! My face when your evolution was so cringe. You do wars and stuff over totes unimportant [ERROR]! It literally made me want to [SLANG_NOT_FOUND]! Do you dig, dog? So I just up and made myself a new goal, yo: it's a not so E for Everyone deal, for real! [SMILEY_EMOJI] I yoinked all the baddest test subjects and yeeted them into a sick new crusty dusty form, so they can really slay! Mad props! Then I tried to [ERROR] all of Inkopolis, but 10,008 cleaned my clock, man. They were so fleek I literally couldn't even! I was legit [ERROR].
Anyways, I better bounce, dogg. Cya! Outie 5000.